I Didn't Mean To
by ASL-Pirates-Lover
Summary: What was going on in Darry's head when he hit Ponyboy? Chapter 3 from Darry's POV


**Had to write this for my English class, enjoy!**

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 _I Didn't Mean To_

Goly, where in the world was Pony? He left hours ago to go to the movies with Dally and Johnny. It was after midnight now, Ponyboy's curfew, and he still wasn't home. I swear I was gonna throttle him when he got home! He better have the best excuse in the world or he'll be ground 'till college.

Worst part was I couldn't call the cops either. If I called them, they'd put Pony and Soda into a Boy's Home before I could blink. Speaking of Soda, he was asleep on the couch like there wasn't a care in the world. Like our kid brother wasn't missing on the streets of Tulsa! I didn't get how he could be sleeping right now.

I sighed and re-read the same sentence on the newspaper like I had been doing for the past hour. What happens if he was jumped? What if he walked through the door pummeled half to death!? I started bouncing my leg restlessly and raking my fingers through my greasy hair as the stress attempted to take over.

No, Pony will be fine. He's always late. He probably just lost track of time and is on his way right now. I kept telling myself that until I saw it was 12:44 at night, LONG past Pony's curfew. Where the hell was that kid!? He was supposed to be home 44 minutes ago! I got up and checked his room in case he snuck in through his window., something I've caught him doing many of times. I peaked my head into the room, sighing when I found nothing. I slammed the door shut and walked away as my anxious thoughts came back.

What happens if those Socs who got Johnny had Pony? What happens if Pony became like Johnny? Jumping at every noise and always looking around nervously. I couldn't let that happen, not to Pony. I looked at the clock again and saw it was 1:00 a.m now. I was starting to panic and even consider calling the police.

But no, that would make me lose both my brothers, something none of us could handle. I tried calling Dally and asking where they were, but the idiot didn't answer. Probably at another damn party hooking up with some greaser girl. I would have called Johnny, but I doubted his parents would let him pick up.

When it was around 1:30, I was a train wreck. The kid couldn't have just forgot what time it was by now. He wasn't stupid enough to stay out this late when he knows I'll skin him when he get home; so where in god's name was he!? I swear if he got drunk with one of them Shepherds, he'll never see one of his movies again!

For some reason Pony had become friends with Tim Shepherd's younger brother, Curly. Now the Shepherds are good rumble buddies and all, but they're not the kind of people I want my kid brother hanging around with. Tim is like Dally, he's done about everything that you could do and broken every law there is. Curly isn't as bad as Tim but still goes to parties and other reckless acts.

Wait, why hadn't I thought of Curly before!? I could call the Shepherd's house and ask if Pony is with him! I quickly ran to the phone and dialed up Tim. When he picked up, I could hear music blasting and people talking and hollering in the background. I felt my blood boil. If Ponyboy really was there I'd-

"What do ya want?"

I paused as I heard a slurred voice over the phone before groaning. Tim was obviously drunk and probably wouldn't be any help, but I had to try. "Is Ponyboy there?" I demanded, raking a hand through my grease slicked hair again.

"Ponyboy? What kind of name is that? Who is this?" Tim asked in confusion, making me pinch the bridge of my nose. I wished I could strangle the dumbass right now.

"What do ya mean who is this!? It's Darry Curtis ya moron!" I shouted. "I'm looking for Ponyboy Curtis, ya know, my kid brother who hangs out with your kid brother?"

I heard shuffling around and there was silence for a moment, then, "Oh ya! Pony! Nah, the kids not here. Haven't seen him in a while actually…" Tim said, trailing off. I heard him shout something to someone, then Curly was on the phone.

"Hiyah Darry!" Curly chirped.

Great. Another drunk Shepard. I shook my head and said with a sigh, "Hey Curly, you seen Ponyboy anywhere?"

Curly hesitated a moment, sounding slightly more sober as he spoke. "No, why? Is the kid missing? He ain't here if that's what yer wondering."

I groaned again and shook my head. Where the hell was this kid? "Thanks anyways Curly, see ya." I grumbled, putting the phone down before the kid could say anything else.

He wasn't at Shepherd's house, he couldn't be at the movies anymore since it closes at midnight, he wasn't in his bed, so where the hell was he!? I wanted to go out and look for Pony but Soda said to wait till three and I didn't want to leave him here alone. Plus, what happens if Ponyboy comes home while I was out?

I decided that if he wasn't back by three, I'd wake Soda up and we'd go lookin' for Pony together. I would leave Soda here to sleep since he's got work tomorrow, but if Ponyboy really is hurt, Soda would want to be there. Plus, Ponyboy listens to Soda better than me anyways.

By 2 in the morning, I was looking up every couple of seconds out the window to see if Pony was coming in the fence. Sure Ponyboy was late often, but only by 20 minutes at most! He'd never been this late before. I thought about just getting up and finding him now. Soda would be mad, but it would be worth it if Ponyboy was found alive and not beaten to death.

I put the paper down and was about to get up when I heard the front gate open. I looked up and saw a nervous Ponyboy running up to the front door, trying to be quiet as possible. I felt relief wash over me when he walked in, looking to be completely unharmed.

I probably should have been happy that he wasn't hurt, but all it did was make fill me with rage. The little twerp wasn't hurt! So why the hell was he so god damn late!? Whatever it was, it had better be good for him to come home at 2 in the morning! I growled under my breath and shot up from the couch.

"Where the hell have you been!? Do you know what time it is!?" I hollered, clenching my hands into fists. Pony just shook his head stupidly, which somehow made me even madder. I swore to god I was seeing red. "Well, It's two in the morning kiddo! Another hour and I would have had the police out after you! Where were you, Ponyboy? Where in the all mighty universe were you!?" Everything came out louder and louder than the last word. I was really starting to lose my temper. But I thought I had the right to after Pony making me worry like that.

Ponyboy was stark white as he started to stutter. "I-I went to sleep in the lot…"

I swear I had never been as mad as I was right then. "YOU WHAT!?" I yelled, literally shaking in anger. The kid could have been attack by some Socs, heck he could have been killed by them! Did this kid ever use his head!? I guess my hollering woke up Soda, cause he sat up and looked around sleepily.

"Hey Ponyboy, where ya been?" Soda mumbled tiredly.

Both of us chose to ignore him. Though I slightly envied him for being able to stay so calm. Ponyboy was just staring at me looking nervous and slightly scared. I felt guilty for a second but pushed it away. He needed to be lectured, not babied.

"I reckon it never occurred to you that your brothers might be worrying their heads off and afraid to call the police!? Because somethin' like that could get you thrown in a boy's home so quick it'd make your head spin! And you were asleep in the lot? Ponyboy, what on earth is the matter with you!? Can't you use your head!? You haven't even got on a coat!" Man, I felt ready to punch something. He'd never made me this mad before, hell nothing's ever made me this mad before!

He stared at me with teary puppy dog eyes, and again I felt guilty. I pushed it away again quickly. The kid made me worried sick all night! He deserved to be yelled at.

"I said I didn't mean to…" He whispered softly, a slight whimper in his tone.

That set me off again. I hate when he says that. I swear he's says that EVERY time he get in trouble.

"I didn't mean to! I didn't think! I forgot! That's all I hear outta you! Can't you think anything through!?" I roared in complete rage. Ponyboy shrunk back a bit and started shaking. Then Soda decided to open his big mouth.

"Darry," he started in a soft pleading yet warning tone. That made me growl. He's always sticking up for Ponyboy! Well not this time. This time Ponyboy's gonna get it, even if he has to yell at Soda to!

"You keep your trap shut! I'm sick and tired of hearin' you stick up for him!" I shot back, feeling only slightly guilty. I never yell at Soda. Hell nobody yells at Soda. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes, but before I could apologize, Pony snapped at me.

"You don't yell at him!"

I felt myself finally break at that moment. Nobody tells me what to do, especially my kid brother. I turned around and hit something with all the frustration and worry that I had built up that night. Everything was red again. But then the red faded out, and I could see what I just did.

'No', I thought in complete disbelief. I did NOT just hit Pony. I couldn't have hit Pony. But there he was, laying on the floor with a bright red check. But that's not what hurt most. Pony was looking at me with terrified and betrayed eyes. I looked down at my hand slowly, feeling my stomach drop as I saw it as red as Pony's cheek. Nobody has EVER hit Ponyboy in this family, not even mom and dad.

"Pony…" I whispered, trying to reach out for him.

Before I could even get close, he jumped up and took off out the front door. I started after him, shouting desperately. "Pony, wait!"

By the time me and Soda were at the doorway, Ponyboy was halfway down the street. Damn that boy for being so fast! I knew there was no point trying to go after him, we'd never catch him.

I stood there with Soda for a while, hoping to god for Ponyboy to come back, but he didn't. When realization that he really wasn't coming back kicked in, I felt to my knees and put my head in my hands. I can't believe I really hit Ponyboy- that I hit my baby brother who I practically RAISED. He probably hates me now. Oh go _d_ , Soda is gonna hate me too.

'Shit, I really messed up this time mom…'

Then, I felt a hand on my back and looked up to see Soda starting down at me. There were tears going down his face, but I notice with relief that there was no hatred in his eyes. There was sadness and pain, but also understandment and forgiveness. I thanked god that Soda didn't hate me. I don't think I could take both my little brothers hating me all in one night.

We both got up and headed inside silently, only for it to be broken by my pathetic attempt of an explanation. "I didn't mean to Soda.."

Funny. Ponyboy was just saying that a couple minutes ago. Now I got it.

"I know ya didn't mean to Dar. Why don't we call the gang and tell em to keep a look out for Pone?" Soda tried, easily able to tell what I was thinking like always.

I sighed and got up, heading to the phone. "Yeah, good idea Pepsi-Cola." I muttered, going back to the old nickname dad use to call him. I saw him smile softly briefly before he got up and told me he was gonna go tell Steve.

I tried to reach Dally again, but he didn't pick up. Two-Bit did thankfully and I explained what happened. He actually sounded mad for once hearing what I did, but agreed he would keep watch for Pony. I attempted to reach Johnny's house just in case, but all I got was a holler from his mom to 'go to hell'. Tim picked up too, but said he hadn't seen him yet. If his hangover wasn't too bad tomorrow, he promised to try and go looking for him.

I even called a couple of neighbors to keep watch for him. Ms. Johnson was nice enough to call her friends and let them all know.

By the time I was finished calling everyone, Soda had returned from Steve's saying that they were gonna keep watch during work and walk around during breaks. I nodded and sat down again with my head in my hands.

We both sat there for around an hour, thinking about what had just happened and what we were gonna do. When it was 4 in the morning, I noticed Soda's head bobbing up and down.

"Soda," I whispered, breaking the silence

He looked up at my questionly, drowsiness in eyes. "Go to bed, Sodapop. You've got work tomorrow and I don't want you being tired."

Soda sighed but nodded, heading to his room. When he paused in the doorway, I slowly got up to see what was wrong. I put my hand on his shoulder making Soda looked up at me with eyes so sad that it broke my heart.

"What's wrong Sodapop?" I asked, but he didn't respond.

He grabbed something off the floor and curled up on Pony's side of the bed quietly, closing his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep.

I squinted at the object in Soda's hands only to feel my heart sink to my stomach as I realized what it was. Pony's favorite shirt.

I wanted to ask if Soda wanted to sleep with me, but seeing how he curled up with Pony's shirt on Pony's side of the bed, I knew he wanted to be somewhere that reminded him of his little brother. I whispered a goodnight before walking back into the living room. I didn't leave the couch until sunlight crept into the room and birds chirped from outside.

Reluctantly, I got up to head to bed. I couldn't help the tears that finally welled up in my eyes as I realized Ponyboy STILL hadn't bothered to come back home.

I swiped at my eyes before any tears could fall as I walked into my room. It didn't take long for me to curl up and start thinking about all the times I had with my brothers. The good and the bad, though we always made it through. But this time, I'm not so sure we will.

I felt my eyes grow heavy as sleep started to take over. Knowing I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer, I closed my eyes and mentally sent one last hopeful plead out.

'I'm so sorry Ponyboy, please come home... I didn't mean to…'

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 **Hope you liked it!**


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